Author Bio: Vonetta Logan is a financial news reporter for both tastytrade and dough (tastytrade's sister company). After being hired on to our team, Vonetta wanted to find a way to inform consumers and investors about the consequences/repercussions that current events and trends have on the financial space. 'Nailed It!' is a satirical segment created to do just that.

Thought I’d take y’all to church for this episode. Seriously, I’m considering becoming a cable tv lady preacher and taking all of your “donations” and running away to a warm island somewhere. 

Super duper huge shoutout to Doyle and all the buff men of tastytrade. When I asked Omar, our production supervisor, if we could rent a casket for this episode, he was like “no problem.”

Super duper huge shoutout to Doyle and all the buff men of tastytrade. When I asked Omar, our production supervisor, if we could rent a casket for this episode, he was like “no problem.”

I thought that it was going to be a “stunt” casket, and something made out of lightweight balsa wood or something that one of the many productions that film here had used for a shoot. 

Well imagine my surprise when we got a “game used” coffin and that bad boy weighed a ton and took 6 dudes from research and support to haul out of the Bat’s truck. Freakiest looking pallbearers I have ever seen.

Anyway let’s talk about NEWS. Or as I tongue-and-cheek refer to in the episode, the Death of Journalism as we know it. Dear readers, if you’ve been reading this blog for a while (hello the 3 of you who aren’t my parents) you may know that I hold an actual degree in Journalism.

This was before the days when they were telling errybody to become either a coder or a spokesmodel.

Not only do I have a degree in Journalism but I was the nerdy girl who also worked on her high school newspaper and before that I read the news over intercom in middle school. My signature bit was starting all the news a la Robin Williams with a “Goooood morning Schmucker Middle School.” It killed!

Anyway, this lil lady has always had a nose for news. Maybe it was because on long car trips the only thing I was allowed to listen to in the car was NPR, or that every Sunday I watched "Sunday Morning with Charles Osgood" with my mom in the morning and "60 Minutes" with my dad at night. 

I have supreme respect for the roots of journalism and how far the medium has actually come. We take a lot for granted in our free press abilities, and whatever quibbles you have about a certain blog, publication, or news channel pretty much go out the window when you think about the oppressive regimes that many journalists are living under. Many of whom have lost their lives or have been threatened severely in order to prevent them from telling their story to the world. 

As my job as a lady-news Girl Friday here at tastytrade, I’m supremely lucky that I get to spend most of my days trolling the web for news. I know stuff before most people know stuff and that’s sometimes a blessing and a curse. Instead of this blog being a rambling love letter to journalism, I thought I would go into a bit more depth on the new media companies I touched on in the piece.

We are producing content at a blinding pace, but that’s not necessarily a good thing. This is episode 20(!!!!) Of Nailed It!, and for all intents and purposes the content that I produce would be considered long form, and boy is that a tough sell these days. I legit get asked if I can make my topics into 90 second bits by our producer Tony V so he can package them. 

I’m like “you want me to solve Social Security in 90 seconds?” Lolololollolol. That guy. Anyway, everything is all about clicks and that super sucks. We are getting tricked so hard when it comes to determining what is news and what is native advertising or branded content.

So a friend sent me this link: 15 signs your significant other is obsessed with golf.

She’s like lololol “this is probably what it’s like to date you.” I read it, had a good chuckle and was gonna send it to a few more people because it was so funny, but then I get to the end and it’s a freakin ad for Geico! DAMMIT BUZZFEED. Also, super shitty end tag line. Shoulda been like “in the 15 minutes you can find someone else to date, you can also get insurance.” IDK but the point is that I felt used. 

How effective is this even? Do people who like memes and gifs really switch insurance based on them? Maybe it’s just more of a brand awareness thing. 

But my BS meter is always on and highly tuned. The other day as I was pulling stories for Daily Dose and I came across the same story on over 10 sites. “Man gets dumped. Cuts all his stuff in half to sell on eBay.” What followed was a glorious YouTube video of a man meticulously sawing everything he had previously owned with his ex in half. 

I was going to cover it on the show, but that green car was sawed with a bit too much perfection, and that set off my BS sensors. I held the story back from the show, and sure enough, a day later it came out that the whole story is an AD for a German site to help you find divorce attorney. DAMMIT GERMANY!!

I speak passable German, but I can’t even read the entire site this was linked to, nor will I ever have a need for a German lawyer. Fingers crossed. What is the point of international virality when you can’t even monetize it?

I couldn’t even keep up with all the new media stories that kept emerging as I tried to write and film this episode. Just as we went to tape, Apple announced news of its major plan to disrupt the news biz with a product called Apple News. People are worried that it could disrupt sites like Google, Facebook and even the first-to-market company of Flipboard.

But we’ve heard this Chicken Little “big tech company is making a news app that’s gonna kill us all” shit before. Remember a few months ago when Facebook was going to come out with it’s media slayer? How that’s going?

Since their big debut Facebook's “Instant Articles” feature hasn’t published any new articles. Sweet update Zucks.

Well one thing the kids are all using these days is the Snapchat. Or as my mom likes to say “snap snap”. 

Nope, mom. Not even close. Snapchat’s 24 year old CEO Evan Spiegal has been on a surreal media tour as of late posting random videos to the web touting the benefits of his service.

Is it me, or does this kid have the personality of a wet sponge? Dude, what happened to electric pitchmen and women? RIP Billy Mays. 

At least Mark Cuban back in the day was entertaining. You gotta sell the sizzle, kids, not the steak. But Snapchat’s worth $16 billion and I use coupons for that yogurt that makes you poop, so what the fuck do I know?

There’s also talk that Snapchat could be pivotal in helping Republicans win in the next election.

That! That right there is prime clickbait. That’s totally not true at all. Until we can vote for our representatives American Idol/The Voice style by texting, Snapchat will not be helpful in any election. Unless of course it’s in the form of a captured dick pic that one of the candidates got caught sending a sweet thang or twink. Total precedent. 

Not to be left out, YouTube just recently announced that they want to get into the eyewitness news game as well. They want to legitimize those who bear witness to breaking news events. AKA idiots holding their cell phones vertically while yelling “oh snap, can you believe this shit!” in the background. But great, that is going to be the go-to source of news in the future. 

YouTube, owned by Google, will also play a key role in Google's News Lab. Who is in charge of naming these features? News, Instant Articles, News Lab. Ugh, seriously so terrible. How about calling it Project Venom? Or Media Strikeforce? Totally catchy. Anyway, now Google is at peak Google in press speak. Seriously I will give anyone $5 who can read this article and explain to me exactly what this new service will actually be capable of doing. Ha! That’s what I thought. No $5 foot-longs for any of you.

So where does this leave us? Like many of you, I am intrigued and perplexed by the current state of media in America. For me, my one true love will always be Twitter. It’s the first thing I check in the morning and the last thing I read before going to bed.

But according to my sources... (Writing that always makes me think of the song "It’s Raining Men" by the Weather Girls. Yes I’m old. No, I don’t care. Listen to this track and try not to boogie.) 

Anyway, according to my sources, Twitter is deadAnd for all my traders out there, it hasn’t exactly been a banner year in the returns department. But honestly there is no greater source, IMHO, for getting a wide variety of opinions on breaking news topics. I found out about every major news story from the past 4 years on Twitter. But it relies heavily on the new users ability to research and curate their own newsfeed with sources and people who they trust.

It will definitely be interesting to see where the future leads us or if we’ll just be pawns in the game over big data. But in the meantime and in-between time, I will leave you with this glorious video nugget from when journalists were journalists and weren’t just highly paid readers who didn’t research their own stories.

So take the time to find great investigative writers and support those publications that are doing work that you believe in, and for the love of God let’s stop CNN for going off the rails for this and *sigh*... this.

Wanna see more Vonetta? Watch archives of Nailed It! here and also get her take on hot topics on The Long & Short of It with Dylan Ratigan!